I have a great Life…
healthy kids, successful husband, comfy home, and lots (too much) food in the pantry…
I have always tried to give back by serving others in either a volunteer capacity or just lending someone a hand…
Before you think I am this wonderful Saint let me mention that not always were my motives probably true. Looking back, I think that in my 30’s a lot of what I did was more about validating myself as a stay-at-home mother than being a good Samaritan…
So, here I am in life…
Just turned 46 with my oldest in college, my middle child beginning high school, and my youngest definitely not a baby anymore. No longer do I need or require validation for who I am or what I spend my days doing. I am beyond caring what others think about me on a superficial level. Yes, I am feeling pretty darn good about myself.
My daughter’s gymnastics accident caused a lot of ripples in my family’s life. And, one of those ripples has been to cause me to look at my life…
Making me take a hard look at why I am doing what I am doing.
I want to stop reacting to life and start acting upon new challenges.
I had a really difficult phone conversation today when trying to get someone to understand that I do not want to continue being the sole person leading an organization which I worked with last year. I have tried unsuccessfully to find a replacement but to no avail. It is a worthwhile organization, but I want to spend all the hours that it takes from my life and invest that time in something else that will not be such a source of burden and frustration.
I became so frustrated during the conversation that my raised voice took on a teary note. She used guilt and questioned the effort that I had put into the position. She manipulated my words so that by the time the call ended I was believing that I was making this into too big of a deal. Why was I saying that the position took too many hours? She said if I had led the right way then it shouldn’t. And the kicker is that it is a student group at my son’s elementary school. So, to top it off how could I disappoint those kids?
Wow…
How can I be the bad person when I was willing to serve last year and devoted 100 percent to doing the job well? Hey what about the other parents who never stepped up for 5 minutes? I’m not asking for a pat on the head just don’t make me feel badly when I did go above and beyond, but now want to step aside.
I’m not sure what purpose I have in making this today’s blog post. I am not fishing for compliments about what a good person I am. Or how right or wrong I am in not wanting to give my time to that organization anymore. I guess I just want to put this down in writing while the feelings, doubts, and frustrations are still fresh and raw. I always tell my kids when they suffer pain at someone’s hands to remember how they felt and never be the cause of someone else feeling that same way.
So, here I sit backed into a corner. If I walk away, then I am selfish, but if I stay I am stuck putting in hours doing something I don’t want to do.
I guess I just want a written reminder of how wrong it is for someone to make me feel that way…
And how wrong it is of me to allow myself to be placed in that position.
5 comments:
Stephanie, this is *your* life and it is way too short to spend time doing things you don't want to do and no longer have your heart in. Your only obligations are to yourself and to your family.
If the guilt tripper thinks the job could have been done much more efficiently, then let her step up and show everyone how it's done! Heck, it shouldn't take her that much time if she does it right!
Take a breath and stick to your guns. Hold your head high and use your time the way you see fit.
That is such a frustrating situation to be in. Those kinds of people are always good at dumping it right back in your lap too...Lisa's right...stick to your guns...& the kids will always have fun & can always move on to something else if the group fails because the program doesn't group...that is the beauty of kids. Never compromise yourself or your family!
Give me her number....I'll call her back for you. She should never have put you in that situation. People are such assholes sometimes. I am sorry, because I know what kind of lady you are....take care of yourself and your family...there is noting selfish about that.
Stephanie, the next time you speak to this person be sure and tell her two things: (1) as soon as she find a replacement you will have file folder containing any and all of your notes on the 'job', along with a CD of any computer files ready and waiting for your replacement so that he/she doesn't have to duplicate your efforts; and (2) regarding your earlier telephone conversation, all that you really expected her to say when accepting your resignation was "Thank you so much for the work you have already done."
If you have any further thoughts remotely resembling guilt, please take two sips of wine and call me in the morning.
Hmphf!
Stephanie,
I have seen and experienced this many times over. It is so manipulative and so unfair but it takes a lot of practice to finally be ready for the jerks who try this.
I'm with Lisa!
And Hope and Wanda!
Stack with your gins, family first and if all fails, send them to Wanda!
Hugs,
Suz
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